Hold your horses, Control-freak Woman!

So I got my answer to the car question. And it happened not even 30 minutes after I prayed the other night...pretty cool, huh? I meant to write about it last night, but I wasn't able to. Here's the deal. I don't think it's bad that I want a car. What's bad about it is how we've been trying to manipulate and twist stuff around to MAKE it happen. We've been trying to control the situation. Which is very typical of me. I am a super-control freak. I didn't realize this about myself until I became a teacher. I suspected it, but it's undeniable now. I've really been this way all my life. If something looks like it's not going to work out the way I want it to, I want to work and tweak and adjust everything until I find a way to make it work. Notice, I said until I find a way. It's always been hard for me to completely trust that God will take care of it. I want a backup plan! A safety net! I mean, what if I fall? What if things don't work out the way I want them to? What if, what if, what if? Seems like that's been my mantra here lately. I need to toss the "what ifs" and just realize that it's not really up to me. In a way, that relieves me. It's not my JOB to figure stuff like that out. But it's kinda scary to my alter-ego, Control-freak Woman. It reminds me of that video clip that Jeff has shown in church from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. (Love that movie, by the way.) Where Indie is trying to get to the Holy Grail and he has to cross this huge chasm but it looks like there's no walkway? He has to just step out on faith, and it just shows up. I want to be like that. I think I am becoming like that. So, I'm going to step out on faith and let God take care of the car situation. I mean, it's not like it's a life or death situation and the clock is ticking. He's taken care of us, and He'll continue doing it. I'm not worried about that. I just really want a car. And I want to give Big Bonnie back to her rightful owners. But I think God's telling me to just hang on for a few minutes...or weeks...or months. (Oh, I hope it's not months!) I'm going to do it, though. I'm going to stop trying to control the situation and let God handle it. I know it'll work out better when I do this, anyway.

Positive things about today? Where do I begin? I'm loving doing this every day. It really does make me much happier, actively realizing how blessed I am and actually getting it all down on paper...well, not paper really, but you get the idea. First thing for today, I got a humongous bonus check at work! It's not like a million dollars or anything, but it's almost equal to a month's paycheck for me. And the school just decided they wanted to give it to us because we work so hard. That's the truth! So, that makes me REALLY happy. Thank you, God! Next, tomorrow's the last day I see the little angels who have been in my class this year. After that, only 2 days left until my summer has begun...I can't wait!

I guess that's it for now. I'm really excited about watching American Idol tonight. I don't know who I want to win, but I'll make a prediction. I think it's going to be Katherine. We'll see tomorrow night!